Alan F
“…cuz right now when I move my head, it feels really weird.”
“I’m fine! I was just going to fall down, so I was supporting myself.”
“Dude, why are you throwing Alan at me?”
“Ask anyone who isn’t smashed right now; as in, ask Kate…”
“Josh is the fifth dimension.”
“Brian, stop laughing at me from inside the bathroom, cuz I can hear you.”
“The gorilla’s feet are squishy.”
“Shit is always better when you don’t know it’s shit.”
“God has Photoshop in his tent?”
“Faster than a speeding rock!”
“I am not a garbage disposal, I’m a good food disposal!”
“They have a whole Romeo and Juliet thing going on. They should both kill each other right now.”
“I’m picturing a nice, tasteful penis costume.”
“Send Jewish card to bed.”
“Damn Canadians! Have you ever tried to argue with them about C compilers? They’re crazy!!!”
“Anti-Trust… Doesn’t that have the people on the cover in it?”
“Fuck you and the horse you ran in on!”
“Screw engineering! Let’s make an alcoholic jelly company!”
“I’m tired. That’s what tired people do, they die.”
“They’re like Scrubbing Bubbles except they’re mastadons.”
(While on the cell phone with me) “I need to put that in my phone. Dammit, where’s my phone?”
“It’ll be a party in your mouth, and only bunnies are invited.” (Alan’s comments on me getting my first cavity drilled.)
“I can’t go jogging, because I don’t have the internet.”